Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
