grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
