i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
