4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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