it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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