I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
