I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
