I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
