i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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