So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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