So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
