Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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