Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
