I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
