yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
