Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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