i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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