This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
