I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
