Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
