I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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