I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
