i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
