go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
