whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
