I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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