so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
