Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
