it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
