So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
