I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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