dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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