ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
