Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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