i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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