I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just wanna soil my oats bro
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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