btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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