Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
