Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
