My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
