wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
