I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
