We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
