Capitaan dildo arrescate!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
