Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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