i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
