Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
