saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
