The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
