I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Drunk is a universal language darling
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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