i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
