Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize