I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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