I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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