walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize