worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
worst night to have a conscience
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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