If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
