Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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