You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize