All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize