You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can text with my tongue
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
