This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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