you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
