We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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