This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
