Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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