They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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