How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
